Thursday, April 9, 2009

Been a while but...


The past few days have been insane...hell, life in general has been insane. My husband's best friend came home from Afghanistan so I had his family coming into town. I adore them and so do the kids, they are a great family. Last night Shawn and Meg came by, and it was really nice. It hurt really bad to see him without seeing my husband, but that's just how it works I guess. I realized something from their visit though.

Shawn was talking about my husband and telling me stories from "over there". I missed him like hell right then and there, and realized that I don't talk about him or hear about him much. I mean, I talk to him twice a day sometimes, and I don't avoid conversations involving him...but to hear someone else that loves him (even if it's bromance) talk about him...it just hit me that he isn't here. I realized that I try not to think about my husband in ways that would make me miss him more than I already do. I distance myself to make this horrible span of time without seem just a little more bearable. That doesn't mean I love him any less, that's just the way I cope.

No one who hasn't been in this position before could possibly understand what I am talking about, and yet, some people think they have the right to judge how I/we handle this deployment (I will leave out names right now, but if you keep up on my blogs it won't be hard to figure out who I am referring to). The urge to punch them in the mouth has not yet subsided, but that's okay...

So anyway...looks like he should be home in around a month. I am staying insanely busy with school and the kids, so I am hoping it will fly by. I do miss him. This big hole in my heart and my life will be whole again soon.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

To my darling husband...

This is off of Eric Church's new album "Carolina"

You Make it Look so Easy

I got a hard head, I get that from my dad
And I can overreact maybe just a tad
I put up walls to show the world I'm tough
When i don't get my way, I get difficult
But when it comes to lovin' me
Baby you make it look so easy

You're my refuge from the road
A safe place to go
When I'm out here livin' on this ledge
And when I'm circlin' the drain
You keep my crazy sane
And quiet all the voices in my head

I'm probably wrong more than I say
And I'd point that out if you were that way
Yeah I'm hard to love and ever harder to live with
And I know there's days when you just want to up and quit
But when it comes to lovin' me
Baby you make it look so easy

You're my compass when I'm lost
My anchor when I get tossed
And the right way when all I can do is wrong
Sometimes I drink 'til I fall down
but your arms save me from the ground
And hold me 'til all the hurt is gone

I got a hard head, I was born that way
And that makes me wrong more than I say
But I thank God you got a hard head too
I guess he must have known you'd need that
To get us through
'Cause when it comes to lovin' me
Baby you make it look so easy
Yeah baby you make it look so easy