Thursday, April 9, 2009

Been a while but...


The past few days have been insane...hell, life in general has been insane. My husband's best friend came home from Afghanistan so I had his family coming into town. I adore them and so do the kids, they are a great family. Last night Shawn and Meg came by, and it was really nice. It hurt really bad to see him without seeing my husband, but that's just how it works I guess. I realized something from their visit though.

Shawn was talking about my husband and telling me stories from "over there". I missed him like hell right then and there, and realized that I don't talk about him or hear about him much. I mean, I talk to him twice a day sometimes, and I don't avoid conversations involving him...but to hear someone else that loves him (even if it's bromance) talk about him...it just hit me that he isn't here. I realized that I try not to think about my husband in ways that would make me miss him more than I already do. I distance myself to make this horrible span of time without seem just a little more bearable. That doesn't mean I love him any less, that's just the way I cope.

No one who hasn't been in this position before could possibly understand what I am talking about, and yet, some people think they have the right to judge how I/we handle this deployment (I will leave out names right now, but if you keep up on my blogs it won't be hard to figure out who I am referring to). The urge to punch them in the mouth has not yet subsided, but that's okay...

So anyway...looks like he should be home in around a month. I am staying insanely busy with school and the kids, so I am hoping it will fly by. I do miss him. This big hole in my heart and my life will be whole again soon.

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